Cheating spouses provide much of the work and income of most private
investigators, and every PI has developed his list of "tell tale signs
of a cheating spouse."




Here's a list derived (with permission) from articles by private
detectives Bob Brown and Edmund J. Pankau, and female private detective
Victoria Frelow of Scotland Yard Investigations (no, it's not that
Scotland Yard).




Note that though I've phrased these points in terms of the husband as
the cheater, most also apply when it's the wife who's cheating.







From Bob Brown --

1. At the beginning of an affair, the husband may actually be more affectionate than usual due to guilt feelings.
   
   
   
   


2. Later,
   after the affair has been going on awhile, he often starts finding
   fault with the wife as a defensive mechanism (i.e., to justify the
   affair in his mind).
   
   
   
   


3. Cheating
   husbands often lose interest in domestic activities, such as spending
   time with the kids, fixing up the house, lawn care, etc.
   
   
   
   


4. Cheating husbands may have a change in sexuality (i.e., more sex, less sex) as well as unexplained sexual requests.
   
   
   
   


5. The
   cheater's relationship with his family will almost always change, that
   is, he will tend to become more distant, cold, or fault-finding (i.e.,
   he starts to blame the family, especially the wife, for his behavior).
   
   
   
   


6. Financial
   changes may become noticeable. The wife may notice unexplained credit
   card charges or withdrawals from the family's checking account.
   
   
   
   


7. Grooming
   habits change. A cheating husband may buy a new wardrobe or a lot of
   new clothes, or may just suddenly start to become more attentive to his
   personal appearance. The wife may notice frequent bathing, more careful
   grooming, a new cologne, a new exercise program, etc.
   
   
   
   


8. Physical
   clues to the affair may start appearing, such as lipstick on shirt
   collars, perfume odors on shirts or jackets, secretion stains on
   underwear. Or the wife may discover pieces of paper with notes or phone
   numbers, unexplained match books, receipts, condoms, etc.
   
   
   
   


9. The
   husband's driving pattern may change. The wife may find the car needs
   gas more often than before or she may monitor the car's odometer and
   find the husband is putting a lot of unexplained miles on the car.
   Brown recommends that suspicious wives keep track of the mileage on
   their husband's car and even monitor the time they leave for work and
   the time they come home. "Keep a calendar and note the times," he says.
   "This should help establish a pattern. If your mate claims to be
   working late, check paycheck stubs to verify this overtime."
   
   
   
   


10. On
    occasion, the wife may notice her husband whispering into the phone. He
    may look alarmed when he sees her observing him and may hang up
    suddenly. There may be abrupt hang ups when she answers the phone
    herself. (Want to know who called? If you have touch tone dialing in
    most parts of the U.S. you can dial *69 to get the number.)
    
    
    
    


11. The
    wife may find unexplained, repetitive charges on her husband's mobile
    phone bill. Often these will be calls her husband made right after
    leaving home in the morning and right before coming home in the
    evening. According to Brown and most other PI's, the mobile telephone
    bill is one of the best ways to catch a cheating husband. The reason is
    that the bill for mobile services lists every single call made (unlike
    a bill for conventional phone services, which list only long distance
    charges). Thus, if you suspect your husband is cheating, and he doesn't
    have a mobile phone, it wouldn't be a bad idea to buy him one.
    
    
    
    

Brown comments that "Female cheaters are more
discreet in the selection of a lover. This is most likely because of
their concern about sexually transmitted diseases. Most females are
looking for a longer lasting relationship than a `one night stand.' In
past years men were the aggressors; in society today, with the increase
of women in the work force, women have become equally aggressive." He
also mentions that "When a female is having an affair she tends to have
more of a `glow' about her." (Presumably, when a guy is having an
affair, he doesn't have the glow.)






From Ed Pankau:





The following are possible indications of a cheating husband, says Ed Pankau

1. Hair gets longer
   
   
   
   


2. Clothes get flashier
   
   
   
   


3. Changes cologne
   
   
   
   


4. Boxer shorts become bikini underwear
   
   
   
   


5. Joins a health club
   
   
   
   


6. Starts a diet
   
   
   
   

Watch for any changes in his "pattern" of living, says Pankau; this can
alert you to the fact that a new partner or relationship has entered
his life. Among the specific changes to watch for :

1. He changes cologne, clothes, or switches from boxer shorts to bikini underwear.
   
   
   
   


2. His daily travel (driving) pattern changes
   
   
   
   


3. He becomes hard to reach at the office or on the road and starts coming home at unusual times
   
   
   
   


4. His spending patterns change; you find unexplained charges on credit card bills or phone bills (especially mobile phone bills).
   
   
   
   

If you become aware your husband is cheating you
should consider following up with targeted surveillance during
unaccountable times, advises Pankau. "Through the conduct of thousands
of divorce cases, I have found three main areas of investigation common
to these matters: background, financial, and child custody
investigations," he says. "Each of these investigations has a specific
goal and requires the proof of different facts."







From Victoria Frelow:




"There are several ways to recognize and catch a
disloyal partner," says Frelow. "It is usually discovered with a sudden
change in behavior. For example, your partner wants to go places alone,
or he or she doesn't show any true affection or have a sexual appetite.
Your partner stays out late with unexpected meetings, or receives pages
in the middle of the night. The home is inundated with strange phone
calls coupled with whispered conversations, or your partner suddenly
panics and hangs up the phone when you enter the room.





"Also be aware of any close platonic relationships.
Most friends will not approve of the cheater's ways but will remain very dependable.
Some friends will actually help the cheater get out of the home and will often provide an iron-clad alibi for the cheater.
Don't get upset or blame the friend for his/her part in the plan.
You must understand although it is difficult, that the cheater's buddy will assist the cheater out of loyalty.
This emotion usually stems from a long lasting or childhood friendship...




"What can we do to catch cheating spouses? First of all, the cheater
must not know that you suspect him/her. Although it is difficult, you
must still treat the cheater the same way as you did prior to
suspecting him/her of cheating. Give the cheater plenty of room to hang
himself/herself, don't try to interfere with the cheating behavior. If
you suspect the cheater is actually cheating at home while you're away,
make false plans to be away one weekend and stay at a local hotel. Park
down the street from your residence, then watch and wait. But before
you try some of these suggestions, make sure you are willing to accept
the consequences without violence. Have a plan as to what you intend to
do if your suspicions are indeed confirmed."





Frelow is very emphatic about the need to avoid violence in these situations at all costs.

"I cannot emphasize enough the importance of not resorting to physical violence," she says.




"You run the possibility of having criminal charges filed against you, an arrest record, possible jail time,
as well as a fine, which will only increase your pain. IT ISN'T WORTH IT!"

DIVORCE HQ Cheating Spouse

A very nice lenghtly article. It was very well writen and put together. The one thing you have to remember though is that if you notice a few of these signs it does not mean that your husband is cheating for sure.

As I read through it I noticed a few things that I do every now and again. I am no means cheating as I am a loyal husband. So this is just proof that you cannot just jump around thinking that your husband is cheating becuse a few of these things are happening.

If you suspect your husband is cheating hire a private investigator is do a little snooping of your own.